


Kamatari

by AshleyHimura



Category: Rurouni Kenshin
Genre: Adventure, Depression, France (Country), Multi, Self-Discovery, Supernatural elements?, The 1800's equivalent of transmisogyny
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-27
Updated: 2018-03-27
Packaged: 2019-04-13 18:00:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 20,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14117871
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshleyHimura/pseuds/AshleyHimura
Summary: Cross-posted from my FF.net account:Everyone who saw her thought she was gorgeous; a foreign beauty who had come to grace their school with her presence. She was amazing, and as she walked past, no one suspected that she had an "unfathomable" secret.Kamatari has been sent to France undercover to pose as a student at an all-girls' school for the rich and powerful. Little does he know his mission will change his very being in "unfathomable" ways.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> [Author's Note: I claim no rights to Rurouni Kenshin. I also make no profit whatsoever from publishing this work of fanfiction.]
> 
> With that said, hello everyone. I started this fic for a friend of mine, and I hope she'll read it when it's finished. In the meantime, I thought you all might enjoy it as I progress. Updates will be infrequent, but always of reasonable length. My friend and I both love Kamatari, and we share the same take on her character. We both wished for some better resolution to her, and so we sketched out the bones of this together. Alas, she has no account, so I can't really credit her as co-creator other than by telling you up front. 
> 
> Without further ado, curtains up!

She brushed past a cloud of girls huddled together, staring at her and whispering as she walked by. Making her way as gracefully as possible through the throng of staring white faces, she ascended a staircase and found her second floor classroom near the middle of the hallway. The door was propped open, and inside were yet more faces that turned to watch her take a seat by the window. The scents of late summer and early autumn swirled together in the breeze as it blew her hair softly across her neck. It was a welcome relief, given how stuffy the uniform was. She stared out across the city, looking at the apartment that she had moved into night before. A sigh rolled past her lips as she wondered if this mission was really going to be worth her time. Just as she was beginning to drift off into the events of the last year she was interrupted by the sound of approaching feet.

"So you're the new transfer student?" The voice spoke to her in French. The foreign transfer student turned her head away from the open window to greet the speaker. A young woman with a thick, gorgeous braid of brown hair, her bangs just barely kissing her skin. "My name is Yvette. It's not often a girl as pretty as you joins our school so suddenly." Yvette smiled broadly. "What's your name, new girl?"

"My name is Kamatari. It's very nice to meet you, Yvette!"

* * *

The carriage was at finally pulling into a small neighborhood in Paris, and Kamatari couldn't wait to get out and stretch his legs. He had been sitting for hours in this tiny, cramped vehicle, traveling over bumpy roads since this morning to reach the secret headquarters before nightfall. Perhaps an hour before sunset, his wish was finally granted. The door was opened and he leaped out onto the sidewalk.

"Nnnnhh...augh! So stiff! Would it have killed headquarters to spring for something with a little more cushioning?" Bending himself this way and that, Kamatari turned to the coachman. "Say, would you mind waiting here for a bit?" This latter was spoken in perfect French, catching the coachman slightly off guard.

"Of...of course, miss! I wouldn't leave a nice young lady like yourself without a ride so close to dark."

"Thank you so much." He winked, turning on just a bit of charm. "You're very kind." And with that, he strode up the short walk and rapped on one of the double doors. While he waited he took note of the house. It was a little dated, and slightly run down. It was quite large compared to the average Japanese home, but he'd seen bigger of course. The walls were a faded blue color and the sides were cracked a bit. The door opened a narrow margin, and in the entry stood a tall Japanese man with hair shorter than his own, and shaggy compared to his well-kept but also unbuttoned uniform. Beneath it was a simple white undershirt. It didn't take any observer very long to figure out that he was hung over.

"Do you have to bang so loud?" He looked the person before him up and down. "Yeah, you're the one alright." He stepped aside. "Come in. The Captain is expecting you."

"Thanks. Don't mind if I do." Kamatari stepped past the man and into the house. "Pardon the intrusion." There was a door to the left that was open with some light shining through. He took that to be where he was going, and walked briskly through the door.

"Finally decided to show up." The man who spoke sat behind a desk. His hair was cut very short, and was beginning to gray in various spots. He had various papers strewn about the desk before him, some of which he brushed aside. "Sit. You need to be briefed, and then we need to get you to your apartment before the doors close for the night."

"Ah, so the rumor is true, then? You're sending me to pass as a young lady at an all-girls' school? A ritzy one, apparently." Kamatari flopped into the chair before the desk. "So, what's the story?"

"...so irreverent. Well, since you insist, I suggest you listen closely." The man folded his hands. "Your mission, being your first, is rather easy. You will pretend to be a girl in this secondary education institute. It is filled with the daughters and nieces of wealthy merchants and politicians. You will befriend them as best you can, and listen for whispers of the intent of their relatives. Anyone whom you become particularly close with will be a prime source of information once you can establish a relationship with their fathers."

"...that's it?"

"Yes. That is your primary mission. We may have smaller side tasks for you from time to time, but that will constitute the majority of your time here." The man rose from his chair. "My name is Manzo. I will be your handler. That means that I am in charge of you, and orders that come from me are to be followed immediately and without question."

"Manzo...? Is that your family name? Given name?"

"It is the only name that you will address me by." Manzo gestured behind Kamatari to the other man who was stepping into the room. "You've already met Reizo. He will be your contact—you slovenly man! Button your uniform like I told you!" He cleared his throat to continue. "When you need something such as equipment or relaying of information, contact him. If need be he in turn will contact me. You will have regularly scheduled meetings with the both of us throughout the course of your mission."

"I see. Anything else I should know?"

"Yes. Since it is critical that no one discover you are a man, you are not to have relations with anyone.  _Including_  men. Is that understood?"

"Pfft. Fine."  _Whatever,_ he thought to himself.  _Shishio-sama is the only man I could ever want, and he's...he's..._

"Reizo. We're going." He snapped his fingers. "On your feet. We're taking you to your lodgings." Kamatari stood, trailing behind the two men as the returned to the waiting carriage.

"Ah, miss," The French driver greeted Kamatari. "I waited, just as you asked."

"Thank you again." Kamatari beamed at him. "You're quite a gentleman." The other two looked at each other and Manzo grimaced.

"I almost feel bad for him..." he muttered in Japanese.

Reizo, Manzo, and Kamatari climbed up into the tiny space. The journey to the apartment was silent, apart from the bumps in the road. The entire time, Kamatari did nothing but stare through the window.  _Look at the architecture. Look at the roads. And the foreigners! Well, I guess_ I'm  _the foreigner here. Still, it's all so different in this country. I miss Japan already._ Finally, after the last of the light had left the sky, they came to a halt in front of a rather new-looking apartment. Hopping out first, Kamatari looked up at all the floors.

"This isn't what I pictured when you said 'apartment.'"

"It's the West. You weren't expecting it to look like home, were you?" Manzo snorted.  _Home...I don't remember what it felt like to have one._

"It can take some getting used to, Paris." Reizo mustered the energy to speak. "It's rather a pain in many ways, but I don't mind it. You'll adapt." Manzo was unlocking the door as he spoke.

"This way."

Manzo led Kamatari up three flights of stairs and down a hallway. Stopping at a door near a window, he inserted a key into a new but simplisticly-designed handle. The door opened to reveal a small sitting room, connected to which was a bedroom, bathroom, and toilet.

"There is a communal kitchen downstairs on the first floor. I suggest you adapt to Western cooking as restaurants here can be quite expensive and we don't have very much of an allowance to give you." The old man pointed to a pile of paper on a table near a window. "Those are the final particulars to turn in for your enrollment. You are already registered. Fill out those documents according to the cover story we assigned you. Do it tonight."

"What?! I traveled all this way and you're making me fill out paperwork?!"

"Shut up and do your job. And do it quickly. You'll need sleep because school starts bright and early tomorrow. Reizo will be by in the morning to show you the way, but after that it's your responsibility. It's not a far distance and the school is large. You'd have to be an idiot not to find it."

"Fiiiinee..." Kamatari sighed out as he sat to begin what amounted to be his first homework assignment.

"The coachman will bring your things up before we depart. It shouldn't be hard to keep up that insulting masquerade. Just don't get too attached to him and blow your cover this first night." Reizo and Manzo exited the room, and Manzo slowly shut the door. "Filthy  _okama_..."

Kamatari flinched at the word. It's not like he hadn't heard it before. Rather than that he'd even embraced it at one point. But he found lately that it had been getting to him. Ever since the Battousai had killed his beloved Shishio, Kamatari no longer had quite the confidence and bravado he used to. He had very little care for life. He would certainly have committed suicide if Chou hadn't told him about Shishio's will. Now he knew he must live on for Shishio's sake, no matter how badly he sometimes wanted to die and join his love in Hell.

He finished the mound of paperwork left to him. The moment he made the last stroke of the pen he got up from his chair, stalking across the floor, and crashed into the bed in the next room. He pulled off his outer layer of clothing and covered himself in the sheets.  _This bed feels weird. Nothing like Japan at all._ Another deep sigh rocked his exhausted body.  _I just need to focus on getting through this. Maybe I can get reassigned soon. An all-girls' school...I wonder what it will be like..._

* * *

"So, are you supposed to officially welcome me? Show me around or something?" Kamatari grinned his brightest at the brunette.

"Well, no, not exactly. I can later, if you want." Yvette took the next seat over. "Do you mind if I sit here?"

"Of course not. It'd be my pleasure."

"Thank you. Your French is impeccable, by the way." Yvette smiled again. "How long have you been studying it?"

"Oh, I learned a long time ago. I just had to brush up on my skills before I came over."

"And...uhm...how long might you be staying?"

"I'm not sure. But I'll be around for a while." Kamatari looked into the brown eyes that had been staring at her for a while. "If you wouldn't mind showing me around later, I'd really appreciate it." Those same brown eyes lit up the moment he'd asked.

"I would be happy to. In fact there's this-"

"Students. Good Morning." An older woman who anyone could figure out to be the teacher stood before the room. "Today is more of a formality than an actual class. We have procedure and rules to discuss and I would like to put it behind us as soon as possible."

"I think that's the most boring thing that happened to me since I arrived in France." Kamatari grumbled as he walked beside Yvette down the street. "Half a day of nothing but trivial speeches telling us everything that we read in our enrollment materials."

"Yes, it is boring. You know Kamatari...you look quite feminine and demure, but you don't hesitate to speak your mind." She smiled again. "Is that common in your country?"

"Huh? Oh. Well...it depends on the person and the situation I guess. The same as anywhere. I'll try to refrain from it."

Yvette laughed.

"No, no. Don't. I like it. I think we could use more women who do the same." She stopped and motioned to a door. "This is it." What she meant by 'it' was a small cafe tucked neatly into a residential area. Yvette opened the door and all eyes turned to see them enter. All of said eyes belonged to women. A woman in her thirties waved at the two from behind a counter.

"Yvette! Welcome back! Nice to see you staying in school."

"Hello Audrey. The place hasn't changed since last term, has it? Still the same?"

"No, no. Nothing's changed except that I've gotten older." Audrey's face perked up even more as she noticed the second guest. "Who's your foreign friend? She's cute."

"My name is Kamatari. It's very nice to meet you, Audrey." Kamatari introduced himself.

"Oh! She speaks French! That's a surprise. Well, there's a table right here so we can catch up. Why don't the two of you take a seat and I'll be right with you."

"Thank you, Audrey," Yvette replied. "Come sit next to me, Kamatari." Kamatari nodded and set himself down in the indicated chair. "I hope you like it here. It's close to campus and it's for women only, so I'm pretty comfortable being here."

"It has a very nice atmosphere. You must come here often." Yvette giggled a bit in response to the suggestion Kamatari made.

"Yeah, here and one other place. Still the other place doesn't serve coffee like Audrey's. Do you drink coffee, Kamatari?"

"Ah...er...I've had it. To be honest it was a little much for me." He bashfully itched the back of his head, trying not to indicate dislike for something his new friend had said she liked so much.

"Even with cream and sugar?" Yvette looked a little surprised.

"Eh? You put sugar in it...?" Yvette just blinked. "Uhm...to be honest I prefer tea."

"Oh, I see. I quite like tea as well. You simply must try the blend of Earl Grey that Audrey has imported—it's fantastic."

"Earl Grey, huh?"

"Do you not like Earl Grey...?" Yvette's face had become concerned, as if she was worrying that she'd chosen a bad location for their first outing.

"N-no! Actually, it's my favorite!"  _That's a lie,_ he thought.  _I prefer green tea, especially some refreshing sencha. But I suppose I should learn to like black from now on..._

"Oh good. And anyway, what good is tea without sweets, right?" Her face springing right back to its previous happy expression, Yvette picked up the sheet on the table that had the menu items listed on it. She took a cursory glance, deciding quickly. And then she stood up from the table. "I have to use the restroom. I'll be right back." She walked down the hallway leading to the rear of the cafe, Audrey catching her on her way out of the kitchen.

"So? Is that girl-"

"What?! No, Audrey, no. Of course not." Yvette looked away, back toward where she had left Kamatari sitting. "I'm just showing her around. That's all."

"Well, it is unusual to see you spending time with anyone your own age. Minus the twins of course. And I never would have expected to see you with a foreigner."

"See? I told you. She's just a friend." Yvette left Audrey to her work and used to the restroom, returning to Kamatari minutes later. Audrey was standing at the table, making idle conversation with the girl as Yvette returned to her seat.

"So, shall I bring your usual order, Yvette?"

"Yes, please."

"And you, miss Kamatari?"

"I was recommended to try the Earl Grey."

"Excellent choice. And since it's your first time here, why don't I add some small sweets on the side? For free, of course." She winked at Yvette, who rolled her eyes, and then left the younger girls to fetch their orders.

"I apologize if she was obnoxious and overly talkative, Kamatari. She's just like that, I'm afraid." Yvette sighed.

"It's perfectly alright. I don't mind. You have a very nice friend, Yvette."

Yvette smiled again, showing she was more at ease, and Kamatari could make out the hints of blush on his friend's cheeks.

"You know, I'd like it if I could also consider you a friend, Kamatari." Yvette's blush spread even further. "I feel like we could be good friends. What do you think?"

Kamatari was somewhat taken aback by Yvette's frankness. The request was rather sudden. Nobody in Japan specifically came out and said such things after only half a day, if ever at all.  _Actually, I don't think I remember anyone ever wanting to be my friend. At least, no one who didn't have ulterior motives. It_ is  _part of my mission to befriend these sorts of girls. I don't see why not._

"I would be honored if you would consider me a friend, Yvette. I also think the two of us could become very good friends."

For the second time in a day, Yvette's face glowed brightly in appreciation. She looked like she was about to say something when Audrey approached the table once again, carrying their orders.

"Here you are, ladies. Two Earl Grey teas, one with cookies, and a strawberry tart. I also brought the milk, cream, and sugar for Yvette." She shot the brunette a glance. "I know you like sweet things. Enjoy." Audrey left the two to their food.

"Well, how is the tea?" Yvette changed the subject as she mixed her own with milk and sugar. Kamatari sipped his own and tried to suppress his reaction.  _It's so much more bitter than I'm used to! I miss green tea!_

"It's nice. Though I think I'd like to try it with sugar. Maybe some milk." Yvette grinned, figuring out at last that Kamatari had never actually had Earl Grey before. She said nothing though, preferring to watch her classmate struggle through the cup slowly. Kamatari on the other had now knew that she knew, but kept quiet.  _Real smooth, Kamatari. She saw through you much too quickly. Some undercover agent you're turning out to be!_

* * *

"So where is it you're staying, Kamatari?" Yvette asked as the door to Audrey's swung closed behind them.

"Just a small apartment near campus."

"Is that it? I thought your studies were sponsored by your country's government. Surely they wouldn't house you in some kind of hovel, would they?"

"It's not so bad."  _I have lived in worse._ "Well, I should probably be going back there."

"Shall I walk you there, then? I'd really like to see where you live."

"O-oh! No, no, it's still a mess. I haven't unpacked and I'd have nothing to offer you in the way of food..." Kamatari stopped, seeing Yvette's face droop.

"I see. I suppose that my presence could be a bother to you." The mission briefing Manzo gave him tugged at the back of Kamatari's mind, and he saw an opportunity.

"Well, perhaps I could come to your house sometime, then. I'm sure your home is beautiful." He must have made her happy to say so, because Yvette perked back up.

"Alright, then. It's decided. You'll come to my house soon. We'll set it up for when we both have free time.  _But!_ " Yvette became serious, leaning forward and pointing her finger into Kamatari's face. He was worried that she was about to make some unreasonable demand. "When you visit me, you are staying the night. I will hear to arguments. Got it?" Unsure what else to do with himself, Kamatari nodded. Yvette smiled again. "Good. Well then, I'll see you at school tomorrow. Goodnight." She waved a bit and walked off.

"Goodnight."  _Well, that went well enough. I made a friend on my very first day. Should keep that Manzo guy off my back._ Smiling to himself and finding that he might be cut out for this kind of work after all, Kamatari walked back to his apartment.

After a bath and some time attending to his hair, Kamatari gladly slid back the sheets of his bed and climbed in. He simply stared at the ceiling, thinking. He had already put himself in a good position in regard to his mission. He had made a friend, and had even been promised an invitation to the girl's house. It was much faster than he would have expected, but this provided him the perfect opportunity to meet the father. He might even admit that he'd taken a liking to Yvette and her warm attitude towards him. Anything he could learn about the family and their business he could rub in Manzo's face for treating him like garbage. He grinned at his chance for payback, closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.

The air was thick with the smell of blood and corpses. It was almost completely pitch black, but there was just enough glow from somewhere off in the distance to barely illuminate mounds of dead bodies dotting the horizon. It was a pale light, and it held no warmth in color or temperature. The dark and dank atmosphere was almost like that of a moist cave, though that could not be so as the ground was clearly dirt and there were no walls or ceiling to be seen. In this wasteland Kamatari found himself padding about, trying not to arouse the attention of anyone still left on the abandoned plain of battle. He looked skyward to try and orient himself, but there were no moon and stars above, nor were there clouds. There was...nothing.

"Damnit. Where am I? And what the hell is with these bodies left in piles?" He was whispering angrily to himself. The carnage was sickening, and the stench was getting to him just as much. "How do I get out of here...?" He wondered aloud.

"You get to leave after we finish talking, if you like," stated a deeper voice behind him. Kamatari froze, the voice sending shivers up and down his body. He never thought he'd hear that voice ever again.  _But it couldn't be true._ "Hey! Do you intend to ignore me? You certainly would never get away with that when I was alive."

He whipped around. Standing there in front of him was a familiar face, wrapped in bandages that concealed burned skin. The muscular figure smiled at him confidently with an air of command. The man's eyes were intense, one could even say tinged with madness. But to Kamatari they were the eyes he had longed to meet with his gaze for so very long.

"Shishio...sama..." His breath caught in his throat. The burned man smirked with satisfaction.

"It's been a while, hasn't it Kamatari?"


	2. Chapter 1

"It's been a while, hasn't it Kamatari?"

"Shishio-sama...! Where is...how...I don't..."

"Don't just stand there blubbering. Spit it out."

"Where are we?" Kamatari asked, making up his mind to what he wanted to ask first.

"A dream...a hallucination...Hell...it's not like it really matters, right?"

"So...you really are dead?" Kamatari's eyes pleaded with his lord for the answer he knew would not come.

"It appears so, doesn't it? Well, perhaps not, in a manner of speaking." The burn victim chuckled darkly for a moment. "And what about you, Kamatari? You're looking pretty dead yourself, showing up here."

"Maybe I am," he thought aloud. "But perhaps that wouldn't be so bad." Briefly the foul air between them contained only silence. And then Shishio's laughter replaced it.

"I didn't know being an  _okama_  meant being an idiot!" His laughter died off and his face became serious. "If you want to throw it away then go ahead. But it won't matter one bit to me. You'll end up here one way or another."

"But I don't understand, Shishio-sama. If you're dead, and I'm not then...what is this? How am I seeing you? And why?" Shishio's words hurt a little, but Kamatari saw the truth of them. Ending his life wouldn't be of any service to Shishio or his legacy.

"How should I know? I don't run this place. Yet." At seeing the old flame of ambition still burning in his lord Kamatari was more reassured. "But I'm guessing that, the way you're acting, I'll see you again before too long. Just don't let the fact that you survived be a total waste."

"Of course not, Shishio-sama!" Kamatari exclaimed. He felt concerned that he had been letting down the man he cared for more than anyone or anything else. "I won't disappoint you again! I promise I will be a worthy keeper of your story, and will protect your legacy, just as you wanted."

"Eh? Protect my legacy? Who told you that?"

"Ch-Chou did. He told me about the secondary purpose of the Juupongatana. That we were to tell your story in the event of failure so that the government couldn't write you out of history..." Shishio was still as he let the information sink in, and then he broke into riotous laughter. He laughed so hard he was nearly doubling over, leaving Kamatari feeling extremely confused. When the laughing fit finally reached its end, Shishio took a breath to steady his features once again, though they maintained a bemused smile.

"Of course he did. That guy...he would tell you that. Such a thing requires strong people to carry it out. But you know, Kamatari..." his face darkened. "Compared to the Kamatari of the Juupongatana..." His eyes narrowed. "You're a disappointment."

His eyes opened softly to stare at the still unfamiliar ceiling. Covered by the sheets of the old bed in a foreign country, he sighed.  _A dream, huh?_  Lying there, not ready to stand on his feet again, he pondered the meaning of what he had just seen. He had never dreamed of Shishio-sama in such a way. He knew without doubt that his beloved Shishio was dead. And yet he found himself questioning it in the face of such a realistic dream. He turned his head to look out his bedroom window. Seeing the sunlight the way it was, he knew he didn't have long before he had to be at school. Sighing, he flung aside his covers and rose from his bed.  _Well, it was just a dream, after all._

* * *

His uniform flowing about him as he ran down the stairs in a rush gave Kamatari a sense of calm and security. It was a rather familiar feeling to him, and he always felt more confident when he was dressed in woman's clothes. Bag in hand he bolted out the front door or his apartment, surprised to find Reizo waiting for him, uniform still unbuttoned as usual.

"I thought that I was on my own getting to school from now on."

"You are. I'm just here to schedule our regular meeting times. I forgot to do that yesterday," Reizo explained.

"I see. Well can you walk and speak at the same time? I'm going to be late if I don't hurry."

"Fine by me," he replied, falling into step beside Kamatari. "I was thinking that I would meet you someplace once every other week."

"That sounds alright. Where are we meeting, then?"

"I don't know. I'll show up again a week from today. You should find a place before then," he recommended.

"What? Why should I have to do it?!" Kamatari huffed. " _You're_  the contact, aren't you?"

"Having to do something like that would be such a bother. Just do it, alright? I don't like troublesome things. I'd sooner send you home than have you become a problem."

"Ugh. Fine...but for your information I'm doing quite well for my second day officially on the job," Kamatari boasted.

"Oh? What makes you say that?" Reizo mildly quirked one eyebrow.

"Not only have I already made a friend, but she's already extended an invitation to her house. How's  _that_  for becoming a problem?" Feeling quite good about himself, Kamatari let a confident smirk run across his face.

"It's not bad. Though it seems with Westerners that once they consider you any more than an acquaintance they practically fall over themselves asking you to visit their home, so perhaps that's not that much of an accomplishment." Reizo shrugged, not only unimpressed but it seemed uncaring. The smirk on Kamatari's face fell flat in exasperation.  _Can't I get this guy to give a damn about anything?_

"Well, pass it along to Manzo, will you? It ought to at least make  _him_  happy..."  _And keep him out of my hair,_  Kamatari thought.

"Right, right. This is where we part. Have a good day at school, kiddo." With a lackadaisical wave, Reizo turned the other way down the street and left.  _Hmph! He's the troublesome one,_  he thought with a snort, and continued on his way to school.

* * *

The teacher had finally dismissed them for lunch, and Kamatari found Yvette waiting for him as he rose from his desk. She had suggested that morning that they eat lunch together. Feeling that he could further his mission, and that he held no negativity towards the girl, he had agreed. The still newly-minted friends walked down the hall and out of the building.

"So, what shall we do for lunch today, Kamatari? Perhaps Audrey's place is a little far for how long we have..." Yvette pondered.

"Well, in Japan, people tend to bring lunches with them from home," Kamatari stated. He could tell that Yvette liked to learn things about Japan.

"Oh, really? So then what did you bring for lunch today?"

He paused for a second. And then it hit him. He hadn't made anything to bring.

" _Chikushou_ ！He told me to start using the kitchen and I didn't listen!" Kamatari threw his arms up and grabbed his head in aggravation at his own stupidity.

"So you don't have anything. It's alright. We can just buy food from the school." Yvette calmed her panicking friend. "And, say, I might not know any Japanese but...you just cursed, didn't you?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Uh...uhhh..." Kamatari's eyes popped open, realizing that he had gotten carried away. He smiled at her sheepishly as he straightened up.

"You're really pretty, you know...but is it really common for young ladies to curse like that in your country?"

"Eh...eheheh..." He scratched behind his head nervously. "Who can say? I don't know every girl my age, after all..."  _Keep it together, you idiot! Refined young women don't curse like that!_

"Well, even if it is, I'd watch it. Personally  _I_ don't mind at all, but around the teachers you should probably not do that." Yvette smiled and gave him a firm nudge with her elbow. "Wouldn't want you to get into any trouble. After all, friends look out for each other, right?"

"Y-yeah. Thank you, Yvette. I'll try to be more careful from now on." He smiled back at her and her face flushed a bit. "Anyway, let's get food. I'm really hungry."

A brief walk and a short stand in line later, the two students had bought their food and were sitting amongst other tables in an open-air dining area. It looked out onto the school gardens from above. The facade and all of the tables were a beautiful white, and rather ornate-looking.

"This school really is for rich girls, isn't it," Kamatari commented as he stared at the lovely garden maintained by the school's groundskeepers. It was full of flowers, many of which he hadn't seen before.

"Yes, it's a school for the privileged, to be sure." Yvette confirmed his assertion. "But I always try to remind myself to connect with people who aren't so blessed. Luckily that's rather easy, when you're a person like me," she said.

"A person like you? What do you mean by that, Yvette?" She simply smiled and laughed to herself.

"Don't worry about it. I'll tell you some other time, ok?" He nodded in response, still wondering what she could be talking about. His thoughts were interrupted however by two approaching figures. They appeared to be identical twins. One wore her hair in a ponytail, the other in two smaller and lower-set tails.

"Hi Yvette!" said the ponytail girl. "Oh! Hello there! You must be new," she added, turning to Kamatari.

"Uh, yeah. Kamatari. It's nice to meet you."

"My name is Zuri," replied the first girl.

"And I'm Zara. We're twins," explained the girl with the dual tails.

"Yes, you two look very much alike."

" _Thank you,"_  they both said at once, sitting down in the two empty chairs still remaining.

"Hi girls. I haven't seen you in a few weeks. Did you have fun visiting your parents?" Yvette asked.

"It was nice, of course. But I think I prefer it here with our aunt. She doesn't try to run our lives as if we were still children," responded Zara.

"I know what you mean, sis. Me too. It's nice to feel like an adult." Zuri turned to Kamatari. "What about you, Kamatari? Do you miss your parents at all while you're here, or do you like independence too?"

"I uhm...I don't have any parents anymore, so it's hard to miss them after this long." Kamatari wasn't sure if he felt like revealing the whole truth. He was supposed to be undercover of course, but his cover story made no mention of parents, so he assumed that he was free to say whatever he wanted so long as he was able to maintain its consistency.

"Oh my. I'm sorry I didn't know..." Zuri's face saddened with remorse.

"Sis didn't mean to upset you. Really, she's sorry," Zara offered.

"It's alright. Please don't feel too badly." Kamatari looked down at the drink on the table. His eyes misted over just a little as he thought about his past. "This might just be my unfair opinion of them, but I don't feel like they were very good people. So no, I suppose I don't miss them much..." He trailed off.

"It's alright. You don't need to talk about them if you don't want to." Yvette's eyes softened with concern as she put a hand on his shoulder, which brought him mostly out of his reverie. Zuri and Zara exchanged a look.

"Thanks, Yvette. Maybe another time."

After that lunch was spent making small talk, such as discussing the topics of the lectures. When school ended Kamatari was invited to go with the girls to Audrey's cafe, but he declined. He would have liked to, and it would be a smart decision, but he wanted to take care of Seizo's little 'errand' as soon as possible. So he bid farewell to his friends for the day and went off to scout for a safe meeting location.

His search took him from one edge of the city to the side directly opposite his school. Hours upon hours he spent combing back alleys, side streets, and neighborhoods that the average citizen would avoid. He was near to the point of giving up, thinking that he would have to search tomorrow as well. After all his lack of familiarity with the city was waylaying him considerably. He had had to stop to ask for directions more than once. He was just beginning to work his way back toward his apartment, the sun nearly set, until he spotted someone rather interesting walking the opposite direction. They appeared to be a woman, but upon closer inspection, Kamatari found that they were a man dressed in female attire. The person in question seemed rather drunk, and was leading an equally drunk gentleman someplace, likely for something common people would consider to be unsavory.

"Excuse me?" He stopped the two as they passed. "I'm looking for a bar, but I'm new...where did you come from just now?"

"D-down this street a ways and you'll find the bar." The person in the dress looked him over. "Even a place for a g-girl like you..." Saying nothing more, the drunken 'couple' wandered off to sate whatever need they were feeling at that moment.  _I rather like where this road is headed..._ he thought, as he considered the possibilities presented him.  _After all, practically no one goes to these places._

He didn't have to walk much further. Soon he found that many more people dressed in atypical fashion were wandering about the street. There was dull chatter coming from open doors and windows as he passed. He didn't even know the name of the neighborhood, but he knew exactly what it was. He had found they gay district.

He started poking around for an ideal place in the vicinity to meet with Seizo. He was tempted to choose a bar for men only, but recalled that it was crucial to maintain his cover as a young woman. He couldn't choose a lesbian bar of course because Seizo wouldn't be allowed inside. Having found his options narrowed considerably, he took account of the mixed bars nearby. He located after a short while one mixed bar that seemed perfect for meeting his so-called contact. It was quieter than most, very low key, and apparently doubled as a restaurant during the day. It was even located on a side street away from the main thoroughfare. After making his selection, he went inside to look around, attempting to confirm his good judgment. The bar was being tended by a middle-aged woman who was dressed in rather masculine fashion, and held an air of wisdom about her. The bar was nearly dead given that it was early in the week, and there were darker corners where he could sit without being noticed (or at the very least not being approached). Deciding that he had indeed found a brilliant place to meet, and one he would be comfortable in at that, Kamatari left and returned to his apartment.

* * *

In the early morning, after having adjusted his hair the way he liked, Kamatari donned his uniform and went down into the communal kitchen to make himself a lunch. He wasn't yet sure how he was going to carry it, but he assumed the kitchen would have something like paper he could use to prevent the food from staining the cloth he had brought with him from home. Poking around in the cupboards yielded few ingredients he knew how to use, so he decided that a simple omelet would be a good choice. It had been many years since he'd had the opportunity to eat one, however. As a result he began stumbling through the preparation. He hadn't even lit the stove yet when an aged woman walked in. He turned to see her staring at him.

"Uhm...good morning? Pardon the mess I'm making..." She blinked, apparently surprised to see a Japanese person not only in the kitchen but also to hear that person speaking French to her.

"No, it's no problem." She busied herself looking for ingredients as well, though she seemed to know exactly where everything was. Kamatari went back to his attempt at cooking. Before long he noticed the old woman watching him again.

"I'm sorry. This really is bothering you, isn't it?"

"Not so much." She gave him a quizzical look, as if trying to figure something out. "Do you know how to cook in France? It must be different than where you're from..."

"Ah, a little different, yes. I'm from Japan, so the way we prepare food is unique."

"Oh, now I recall. You're the Japanese girl who was sponsored by her government to study here. I remember when someone came to reserve your unit for you." She gestured to herself. "I'm the landlady, Maria. I own this building, you see."

"Oh! It's a pleasure to meet you!" Kamatari nearly bowed out of habit before he caught himself. "My name is Kamatari."

"It's very nice to meet an intelligent young lady who has an interest in studying here in Paris. But back to my original question. Do you know what you're doing there?"

"Er...no, not really."

"Would you like me to help you? It's no trouble, I assure you."

"Y-yes. If you really don't mind..." He shyly stepped aside, not liking to admit to his lack of skill.

"It's quite alright. I have all the time I want at my age." Without another word she stepped in beside Kamatari and lit the stove. He watched her work, seeing the mastery that came with her age, and when she was done she wordlessly wrapped the egg-based concoction into some kitchen paper and gave it to him. "Here you are, dear. I take it you were watching me cook?"

"Yes, I was."

"You might not pick it up after just once, but if you like, I can teach you how to cook Western food."

"Really? Are you sure it's not too troublesome? I would hate to be a bother to you." Kamatari was taken aback at the kindness of this woman. She had cooked his lunch, and was offering to teach him a valuable skill.

"It's nothing, really. I'm no chef, but I know a few things. All I ask in return is that you have tea with me every now and again. I get rather lonely since everyone else comes and goes as they please. I have no children or grandchildren living near here. I would greatly appreciate the company of a respectful young lady like yourself."

"Of course! I would be glad to have tea with you."

"Wonderful," she said with a gentle smile. She cast a glance out the window. "But you had best be leaving, dear. You shouldn't be late to school." Kamatari too looked to the window.

"Goodness you're right! Thank you so much, madame."

"Think nothing of it, Kamatari. Now, off you go."

* * *

"How nice of her! Now you can look some Western cooking!" Yvette said at lunchtime. Kamatari had just finished telling her and the twins about his encounter with Maria the landlady.

"Is it really so different to cook here in France, Kamatari?" asked Zara.

"Well, I'm sure some things are the same. But the tools and the ingredients are all very different."

"Hm. That makes sense, I guess," Zara replied.

"What does Japanese food taste like? I mean, what's it like compared to French food?" Zuri wondered.

"Uh...well...the best way I can explain it is that Western food in general tends to pick a few types of tastes for one dish. And when flavors are added to ingredients, you taste a lot of the new flavor. Japan's food tends to have just a little of a few types of taste that balance each other out, if we add any flavors at all. We like to taste the natural texture and flavor of the ingredients we use."

"So do you not like Western food, Kamatari?" Yvette's voice carried a minor note of concern as she asked.

"I like it well enough. I had some when I was young, so I'm used to it. But I do still miss Japanese food an awful lot," Kamatari replied wistfully.

"Maybe you can teach us to make some? That way we can try it, and you can have some of the food you miss," suggested Zuri.

"I could try, I suppose. But do you have  _shouyu_  here?"

"Sho...yu...?" Zuri tilted her head.

"Or  _dashi_? It's a soup stock made from fish...?"

"I don't think I've ever heard of those things..." Zara shook her head.

"Maybe I can think of something that you have the ingredients for. But it looks like I won't be eating Japanese food any time soon."

"I can have our chef look into it before you come to visit, if you like," offered Yvette.

"You're going to visit her house, Kamatari?" Zuri's incredulous tone was very noticeable.

"She's not just visiting. She's going to stay a night." Yvette clearly didn't take well to that tone, because her response was brimming with pride.

"Yes, I'll be staying a night sometime in the near future." Zuri and Zara looked at each other, and then at the two of them with expressions Kamatari couldn't exactly read. He cleared his throat. "Anyway, when would you like to set this up?"

"Not this weekend, but the weekend after next, perhaps?"

"I don't have much to do other than schoolwork," Kamatari lied. "So whenever you feel is convenient is fine with me."  _I'm sure Manzo and Seizo would move one of our meetings for the sake of the mission. In fact I'd rather prefer it. Those two are such a pain._

"Perfect! I'll make note of it for that weekend, then. Any particular requests for dinner? I may not have much in the way of accommodation, but I do have a chef at my disposal."

"No, no. Really, there's no need to go through so much trouble."  _After all I don't want to inconvenience any of the powerful people I'm trying to get close to. It's better they be in a good mood when they meet Yvette's new friend._ He paused in his thoughts for a second.  _I'm getting rather good at this whole spy thing._

"It's no trouble, really I—" Yvette stopped, looking at Kamatari's face carefully for a moment. "But I suppose I'll tell the chef to pick an old favorite. It will make it easy." She waited a moment before changing the subject. "So Kamatari, there's rehearsal for a school-sponsored ballet group tonight. The twins are working as stage managers. You know, things like curtain movements and lighting. I was going to watch. Would you like to come with?"

"That sounds wonderful. I'd be glad to come with."  _She likes ballet. Hm. Maybe I should try to learn something about it._

"It's right after classes end for us, so I hope that it doesn't inconvenience you."

"No, I haven't got anything to do tonight."

"We really appreciate you coming to watch too, Kamatari. We could use your input on the show," Zara added.

"I uhm...I don't know much about ballet, yet. I'll do my best though," he said, a little nervously. "Also, isn't it nearly time for class to start again?"

"Oh, right. Best get moving, right?" Zuri replied, clearing her sister's spot as well as her own. Everyone went to their respective rooms to endure the remainder of the day's lectures.

* * *

The theater was dark when Yvette and Kamatari arrived, no one bothering to light the audience area during a simple rehearsal. The seats in which they sat were slightly uncomfortable to Kamatari, and he had to adapt to the musty smell permeating the air. Just attempting to settle into an accommodating position, Yvette sat down next to him.

"Is this your first time seeing a rehearsal?" She asked.

"I think it's the first time I've seen ballet at all, other than perhaps in an illustration."

"Is that so? They must not have it in Japan, then...?"

"No, they don't. Or if they do I've never seen it. We have other types of traditional dances, but some of them are loud and energetic. Just remembering the image I have of ballet, I think of it as quiet and relaxed."

"I think that it depends on the particular show. I've seen some very energetic ballet performances," she commented. "That was how I met the twins, actually."

"Alright! Places, everyone!" shouted a voice backstage. It drew Kamatari and Yvette's attention to the stage, as the first performer to take the stage broke through the curtains from the side. The girl was dressed in an outfit that perhaps had too many frills. Kamatari wondered if he or anyone else could ever be comfortable wearing such a thing. After a very brief interval of the first performer dancing, others took the stage, the numbers swelling until a sizable team was assembled. As Kamatari continued to watch them dance, he suddenly was drawn to looking at their lithe frames. The thinness of their legs, the way their graceful fingers all mimicked each other in near perfect synchronization, even the way their costumes accented their breasts. These were things he had noticed before, of course, but never did he give them great thought.

"Beautiful, aren't they? So devoted and talented..." Yvette said absentmindedly, clearly enthralled with the performance. Kamatari felt uneasy, somehow.

"They are, aren't they?" He couldn't exactly place his feelings.

"And the costumes are wonderfully made. Just about any girl would look lovely wearing them, I think." She also whispered something afterward that Kamatari didn't catch.

"Y-yes. I think so, too."

"Have you ever thought about learning to dance, Kamatari? Perhaps not ballet, but some other Western dances? I'm sure you'd be just as graceful." Kamatari's stomach tied itself in knots, and he was becoming keenly aware of his discomfort with the topic. He just couldn't figure out the cause of it.

"I-it does look like fun. But I'd better not. I have to earn good marks here."  _I couldn't even if I wanted to, though._

"Are you sure? I think you'd like it a lot. And the other girls might tease you in the changing room, but I hear that most of them are very nice." Another clenching knot formed.

"Really. Thank you, but no. Maybe you can teach me a few yourself sometime, but I don't think doing it with so many other people is for me." Nothing was said between the two for the rest of the rehearsal, but for the first time since coming to this school, Kamatari felt something he didn't consider he might feel about being among so many young women.

He felt out of place.

* * *

That night, Kamatari returned to his apartment. He was tired, and he was still troubled over what he had experienced at the ballet rehearsal. He tried not to let it affect him externally, though. As he trudged past the door to the kitchen, he heard a voice beckon him.

"Kamatari? In here," it called. It took him a second to process the identity of the speaker due to his distractedness. It was Maria. "I was just making some tea. It's quite convenient timing for you to come home now, so perhaps you would like to honor our little deal this evening?"

"Oh, of course I wouldn't mind," he answered, walking into the kitchen. She gestured for him to sit at the table and he did. Maria came to the table with two cups and a full pot of tea. It was a large pot, made for entertaining multiple guests, though it was just the two of them.

"You look worn out, dear. Tough day at school? A fight with your friends, maybe?"

"No...I don't know what it was...I just started to feel very strange." He looked into his tea. "It made me uncomfortable.

"In what way did you feel strange? What was happening when you felt that way?"

"I was watching a ballet rehearsal with my friend. I was feeling odd, and then she said she thought I'd like to learn to dance."

"It sounds normal enough to me. She suggested something that you feel you would be uncomfortable trying." Maria sipped her tea. "Just average friendships between girls, right?"

"I guess so...but somehow I feel that isn't it..." He looked back up at her with an apologetic expression. "I'm sorry for suddenly saying strange things and talking to you about my problems."

"Think nothing of it. We are sharing tea. It's natural that we discuss our lives lately, especially the strange things," she said. Her words made Kamatari smile. It was soft, and still held some of his apology in it, but it was still a smile nonetheless.

"Well, that's about all you need to hear about my day. What about yours?"

"It was terrible!" She said with a broad grin. "I don't know if you know, but there's this stray cat that lives in an alley two buildings down, and he..."

Kamatari sat and listened to Maria go on and on about her day, and even about some of the preceding ones. It was a great relief to him to talk to this woman. She was kind, charming, and most of all she gave him a sense of being at ease. She got around at one point to mentioning she had a son, but only peripherally. After that it was back to griping about the woman on the second floor who was causing her so much grief by bringing in so many male visitors at all hours of the night. After the tea was finished and the conversation began to dwindle, Kamatari and Maria said goodnight and retired.

* * *

The week wore on, and it was at last Friday. Having recovered from his bout of whatever insecurity he had felt at the rehearsal, Kamatari was feeling confident and happy today. He was practically bursting with energy and confidence for the first time in a long while. After an early morning cooking lesson with Maria, he slipped his lunch into his bag and walked out the door. Seizo was waiting for him on the sidewalk outside, so he walked straight up to the man with a smile and a wave, his uniform swaying gently in the mid-morning breeze.

"You did what I asked?" Seizo questioned, his hair just slightly less disheveled, uniform unbuttoned as per usual.

"I sure did. A place where most citizens never go, and those who do aren't of repute enough where their notice of us would cause problems." He beamed at the officer, proud of himself and happy to at least be in a similar location to one he had frequented in the past. He felt that it tipped the scale in his favor.

"Hey, hey. Let's not meet in the too disrespectful a place. Where did you pick, exactly?"

"A nice little mixed bar in the gay district," Kamatari said matter-of-factly.

"...what?"

"You heard me. A gay bar. A place for people like me. Not only is it in an unpopular district, but the bar itself is down one of the rarely-used side streets of said district. No one will ever find us there." Seizo was silent, the only sounds between the two being their shoes against the ground.

"It does make some amount of sense when you put it that way. But did it have to be that neighborhood and not another?"

"Even if it did, I know better how to handle those types of places than any respectable establishments." Kamatari's smile hadn't wavered at all. He wouldn't hear of any argument, and he knew that his logic was sound enough that even Manzo would have a hard time presenting a reason for selecting and alternative.

"That's alright then. It's a bit too early in the day for this sort of business. I know well enough where that neighborhood is, so if I wait around there tonight, you come find me. Then we'll go to this bar you've got in mind." He shrugged. "It may be a long walk, but maybe I'll get a drink or two out of it. I'll see you tonight." He turned away and walked off, allowing Kamatari to finish his walk to school with the spring of victory in his steps.

Night came more quickly than he would have liked, not particularly caring to see Seizo twice in the same day. Even so Kamatari strode down the street, gay bars on either side, finding Seizo waiting for him in one of the alleyways. The two proceeded to walk to a more secluded section, finding the bar they were searching for to be slightly more populated than when last Kamatari had been.

"Remember to speak in French while we're inside. We don't want to draw any unnecessary attention to ourselves. If you need to conceal something you're saying by using Japanese, whisper. Other than that from here out we speak French. Understood?" Seizo pointed at him to drive the point home. When he nodded in answer they took a seat in a dark corner on the edge of the bar. The place was small enough that it didn't have waitstaff. Each patron had to go to the bar to get their drinks, hence the benefit of sitting at the bar. Only a few were seated at the tables, Kamatari and Seizo being two of them. Seizo got up to get the two of them drinks. After all, one goes to a bar expressly to get alcohol. What he came back to the table with was such a dark color that neither of them were sure if it was even drinkable.

" _BLEAH!_ This stuff is terrible!" Kamatari said in a hushed shout, looking at the glass in his hand.

"I asked for the bartender's recommendation. It looked like most of the people at the bar were drinking it too. I think she said it was locally made...?" Seizo shrugged, trying not to choke on his next sip of the foreign beverage.

"Ugh. I can't finish this." Kamatari's head sunk to the table as he stared in misery at the beverage in front of him. "I miss sake..."

"So do I. But we don't get any by complaining about it." Seizo set his drink down. "This is mostly formality and scoping out of our meeting location. Since you've only just arrived, there likely isn't much to report. Unless you have something else?"

"Well, I've made two other friends recently. They were friends of Yvette, the first girl I met, and now I'm friends with them as well." Kamatari's mind briefly floated back to the rehearsal, but that wasn't the sort of thing he wanted to talk about with one of his supervisors.

"That's good, then. Making progress. If that's all you have to report, I think we'll just stay and watch the bar for a while. It will give us a good feel of the place, and if all goes well I see no reason why we shouldn't continue to meet here."

"That doesn't sound too bad..."  _If not for this awful drink!_

Neither was sure how long they sat there, quietly chatting with each other but mostly watching the rest of the bar. It seemed to be fairly steady mix with women mostly being the majority. Kamatari noticed that the woman working the bar tended to single women and couples of women with much more attentiveness than she did with larger groups, or men in general. He had his guesses as to why, but kept them to himself. When Seizo managed to suffer through the end of his alcohol he left, Kamatari electing to stay a while longer. He turned away and became absorbed in his thoughts.

He thought about the short time he had been in this country, and about how he had been adapting to it. He thought about his mission, and what it meant to have his so-called friends whom he would be using as information taps. He thought back to that dream he had had about Shishio-sama. And then he came to dwell on his feelings at the ballet rehearsal.  _What even was that? I can't remember feeling like that for so long. Not since I was little. This town is doing something to me..._ He was just getting ready so struggle in downing the last of his beverage when he heard the door open. Out of mild curiosity, he raised his head to look at who had entered. What he saw however caused his blood to run cold.

Walking up to the bar, sitting down, and chatting up the bartender was none other than Yvette.


	3. Chapter 3

Kamatari raised his head to glimpse at who had entered the bar. What he saw caused his blood to run cold. Walking up to the bar, sitting down, and chatting up the bartender was none other than Yvette.

Panic froze him. If Yvette caught him here he would have no way to explain it. He had to think up a way out of here and fast. Abandoning all thought of the horrendous drink he had yet to finish, he prepared to sneak away. Watching Yvette's every move he slunk under the table, crouching and creeping as close to the wall as he could. Without explanation though, Yvette suddenly turned his way, and so he ducked under a table and hoped he wasn't visible from the bar where it was brighter.

After a few moments it was apparent why he was nearly caught: she was speaking to the couple next to her. She appeared to be acquainted with them.  _What is she doing here?!_   _Has she been here before? Enough times that she knows people here so well?_ He hid under the table for what felt like an entire half hour before Yvette turned back to the bartender. Creeping away yet again, Kamatari began to get concerned because there was a large gap between the last table and the door. He would have no cover, so he ducked under it and looked around. No one was coming, and as luck would have it he would be well in Yvette's blind spot if he could simply make it from the table to the door.

He steadied his breathing.  _I can do this. I'm getting out of here._  He stood up out from his cover and walked to the door.

And then for some reason the bartender was pointing at him, and everyone at the bar turned to look.  _Damn it all._ He felt embarrassed at his failed attempt to sneak out. He was caught, plain and simple. Seizo would likely scoff, Manzo would be furious, and for all he knew he'd be on the first boat back to Japan in the morning. The whole affair made his cheeks burn.

"K-Kamatari...? That is you, isn't it?" Yvette stood up from her chair slowly, unsteadily. She looked unsure of herself.

"Yvette...I..." he couldn't finish his sentence. Instead he cast his gaze down and started to play with the hair at the back of his head. "You're...you're probably wondering what I'm doing here..."He was about to try and make an excuse, but in looking up he found Yvette immediately in front of him. She looked him in the face for a minute. It was like she was trying to look through him, into his mind or soul. It was a searching look. Then she took his hand and led him wordlessly out the door.

Once back on the streets of the gay district Yvette's pulling intensified, a definite command for him to follow. He had no idea what was going to happen. In fact he was entirely certain his cover had been blown. He had been caught somewhere he ought not to be, and now he was in for it, whatever ' _it'_  was. Still, he wondered if maybe he could appeal to her somehow. Maybe he could play on their short time so far in an attempt to get out of this, or at least the worst of it.

"Uh-uhmm...Yvette...?" She said nothing to him. She didn't even turn her head. And then the grip on his hand tightened.

Back down the main street of the gay district, and then turning off in the vague direction of Kamatari's apartment he was led silently by the hand. As they left the seedy neighborhood behind the number of people on the street sharply dropped off, dwindling into no one at all apart from the two of them. Ten- nearly fifteen minutes went by like this, until they came to the middle of a footbridge over a river.  _An isolated area, a bridge...this is starting to look very bad._ Martial training and honed instinct tugged at the back of his mind as he readied himself for a fight. He watched her every move. When she let go of his hand he instinctively found his center of gravity and loosened, trying to calm the inner storm.

"I'm angry and disappointed in you, you know. Going to a place like that  _alone_ , and in your  _school uniform_  no less..." Yvette sighed, calming herself and turning to face him. "But that's not important now."

He sucked in a breath, attempting to appeal one last time, but had it knocked out of him when she abruptly flashed forward and pulled him into a firm embrace.

"You don't have to say anything. I understand." He was dumbfounded.

"You...understand?"

"Yes. You don't need to be afraid. I won't tell anyone, and I don't like you any less for who you are," she told him in a firm but soothing voice. She held him tighter, attempting to reassure him, though about what he didn't know.  _Well, at least I'm not in any mortal danger,_ he thought wryly.

"Yvette, I'm not sure what you're getting at here..." Hearing this she relaxed her grip and pulled away to look down at him. Tenderly she placed a hand over his heart.

"It's ok. I'm a lesbian too." And then it hit him. Not only was his cover intact, it was working so well that his being caught in such a suspicious place had an assumed explanation: he was a lesbian.

"Huh?"

"I'm so glad I don't have to worry about you being disgusted or afraid of the real me. I don't know anything about Japan and how they feel about people like us, so I was worried you might not want to associate with me anymore."

"Heh. No chance of that—not at all!" He assured her, withholding the other reason why. Despite that, it still made Yvette happy, and she pulled him in for another yet much softer hug.

"I'm so relieved. Now, we should get you home. I don't know what it's like in Japan but here it's very dangerous to be what we are. You could lose your reputation, get thrown out of anywhere you're renting, even be killed." Pulling him once again behind her, she led the two off of the bridge and began weaving through the city streets en route to the apartment. Deciding not to maintain the silence of earlier, she asked him questions. "What's it like? For a lesbian in Japan, I mean...?"

"Ah...w-well, it's not easy there either. I mean, most women are expected to get married and have kids. For anyone who doesn't life can be difficult. Between parents and society, it's hard to be yourself."  _Though that applies almost as much to me as it does to a lesbian._

"I see...Is it also dangerous, like it is here?"

"K-kind of. I guess I don't really know. I've been lucky, and I can take care of myself."  _In fact I'm the dangerous one, generally speaking._

"That's good to hear, I guess. I haven't really ever been totally on my own, but if I could I'd...I'd like to see what it's like. Japan."

"..."

"Hey, where are we? I don't know exactly where your place is." She stopped to let Kamatari lead, and it wasn't long before they were standing in front of the very place he'd left this morning.

"Thank you for seeing me back. I'm...I'm sorry."

"For what?" Yvette tilted her head, looking concerned.

"For us meeting like this. For finding out your secret. I'm sure you didn't want anyone at school to know."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I think it made us closer, sharing this secret. Besides, the twins know." She clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Now go inside and get some sleep, ok? If you want, we can talk about it again on Monday." She left it at that, and turned to walk away. Kamatari watched her go, a familiar sickly feeling coming over him as he went inside.

* * *

"So it seems you had a big night Friday," Maria commented. This caught Kamatari's attention as he was cleaning up from his Sunday evening cooking lesson.

"What makes you say that?" he asked her, alarm bells going off in his head.

"You came in late that night. Very late, for a girl your age." She sipped her tea. "And the next morning you acted rather odd."

"Odd?" He turned, wiping his hands on a towel. "How so?"

"Somewhat gloomy, a little sluggish. Like you had something on your mind."

"I see. Well, maybe I was just tired."

"So it's a secret," she observed, and then smiled. "Is it really something you can't tell a lonely old lady?"

"It's...not mine to tell." He hesitated to continue. "It's about a friend from school. It's nothing terrible or disgusting or anything."

"Is it dangerous?" Her tone shocked him. It wasn't grave, it wasn't suggestive, it wasn't even probing. She simply looked at him flatly, expecting an answer.

"...yes. It can be dangerous."

"Hm." She nodded, sipped her tea again, and looked back up. "You're a good friend to her. You clearly care for her a lot."

"Maybe I just have strong principles. I'm not sure we're all that close just yet," he countered. He sat down opposite Maria at the small table, picking up the cup she'd poured for him earlier.

"You may have principles, yes. But you're keeping her secret. You're still friends, so I can assume you weren't scared or disgusted by what she told you." She smiled again. A very confident and happy smile. "Hence, you care."

"I suppose I do. But it really isn't a big deal to keep this secret for her." Kamatari sipped some tea, and then turned his head to stare out the window. It was gently sprinkling outside. "In my opinion it isn't something that should concern or upset most reasonable people anyway."

"Don't get too used to a secret, dear. Before too long it becomes a burden to the heart, preventing it from the proper flight one is capable of. In this case it's best that your friend told you." Her smile faded slightly as she continued, "Imagine how hard it was to carry that burden alone. But by sharing it with you she can escape her burden for the shortest bit. With you she can be honest."

"I hadn't really thought about that. That there really could be any relief. I always felt that telling others would just hurt them."

"The heaviest burden feels lighter when supported by others. That is my advice to you regarding secrets. I'm sure even you have a few that you could allow someone else to carry," she finished with a suggestive tone. She drained her cup and went about pouring another. "So, was tonight's lesson helpful?"

"Yes, very much, thank you. I appreciate it a lot. I think I'm starting to understand a few things about Western food," Kamatari replied. "You seem to know just how to teach cooking, as if you'd done it many times before. Did you teach your children to cook?"

"Oh yes, all of them. Although I thought my eldest daughter would be absolutely hopeless at first. Turns out all I had to do was change my approach. My son, the youngest, always enjoyed helping me in the kitchen." Maria's eyes drifted off into the past as she stroked the rim of her cup. "He loved cooking with me. In fact I had difficulty keeping him out of the kitchen sometimes. Now I miss it so much I wish I had let him cook to his heart's content."

"Do you see him much? He must be grown by now, but does he ever come to visit?"

"Ha," she puffed out sadly. "No, no he doesn't. Part of me likes to believe he would, were he able."

"Why isn't he? Work?" Kamatari knew he was prodding a potential sore spot, but his curiosity was getting the better of him.

"He's gone, dear. Long gone. In fact it's been nearly fifteen years, now."

"Oh. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked you, but-"

"Think nothing of it. Truly, I appreciate the interest. And it's not like it's a secret," she said, her eyes coming back into focus. "But that's enough of that for today. No need to dwell on something so long past. Instead let's talk about that obnoxious woman upstairs," she said, the warm grin with a hint of mischief returning to her features.

"The one upstairs who brings home all those men?"

"Yes, yes,  _that_ one. You wouldn't believe...she asked me Friday night if I could leave the house any time Saturday night after 9. Said she wanted to bring more than one man over and thought the noise might be a bother to me. And when I asked her how many, she said six.  _Six!_  She can sleep with whomever she wishes, in fact I'd encourage it but for the kind of noise that would generate-!"

And so it went that Maria complained to her cooking student about the woman upstairs who seemed to have no conception of the hours common decency would observe in regard to noise.

* * *

Monday morning arrived, and trepidation washed over Kamatari with along with the dawning sunlight that streamed through his window. In what seemed to have become a ritual, he stared at the ceiling. Today would be the first time he saw Yvette since Friday night and the rather fortunate misunderstanding. Despite this, he now had to face her after such an awkward exchange that almost led to his exposure, with the added difficulty of maintaining an additional lie that had been thrust upon him by the unusual circumstances.  _Really, I should be counting myself lucky. My mission is intact, my friendship with Yvette is unharmed...and yet I feel even more anxious about everything than I did before._ Thinking over and over about what to say got him nowhere, leaving no recourse but to get out of bed and get ready.

Stripping off the bedclothes and his sleepwear, Kamatari slipped into his uniform. The hem brushed over his thighs and provided that familiar modicum of comfort. He always knew he looked best in feminine clothing. A tiny sigh whispered past his lips as he did his hair, taking care to make it neat and pretty after his bed had messed it up. Small comforts like these helped him manage the toughest days, even if only just.

Maria was busy this morning, so there were no cooking lesson results for him to take as lunch. He made his way briskly out the door, Seizo waiting for him on the sidewalk outside.

"Again? Why can't you leave my weekday mornings alone? I'd like to have a peaceful walk to school, if you don't mind." Kamatari huffed in exasperation. Not waiting for Seizo to speak, he simply walked past him. As expected though, the 'it can wait' hint was missed entirely.

"It's not anything to be concerned about. Mostly things that could have been relayed by letter, but since Manzo insisted on sending me on such a bothersome errand this early I decided to stop by and talk to you in person."

"You needn't have bothered, then. A letter will do just fine for trivialities in the future, thank you," Kamatari informed him as he puzzled how much of his brief moments of relaxation Seizo would be stealing today.

"If you say so. In any case, I came to tell you that the first meeting we planned for later this week will be canceled. Manzo and I have something urgent to look into."

"Is it anything interesting?"

"Not really. Troublesome, but not in an interesting way," Seizo lamented as he fiddled with his already halfway unbuttoned uniform to undo yet another of them.

"Ah. I see. Is there anything else?"

"Yes. You stayed later on Friday evening than I did. How was the bar? Do you think it still meets our standards as a safe meeting location?"

"Ah..."  _Probably not,_  Kamatari wanted to say.  _But I can't tell them about Yvette finding me or they'll pick a new place. Probably somewhere horrible._ "Yup. Best place we could have found. Nothing suspicious or dangerous."

"Good. We don't have to waste effort finding another, then."

"Ah! Kamatari! Kamatari over here!" cried a familiar voice.

"Y-Yvette?"  _She's come to find me. Are we that close now?_

"Who is that?" Seizo questioned. He squinted at her as she was jogging toward them, her braid waving along behind her.

"That's Yvette. The one with the influential family that I made friends with the first day."

"The one whose house you're staying at?" Seizo again queried, turning his head and cocking an eyebrow at Kamatari. "And you're sure women aren't for you?"

"Really? You're really asking me that?" Kamatari glared at the older man, eyes narrowed in exasperation and a tinge of anger.

"Right, right. Sorry. Forgot who I'm dealing with. Anyhow, I'm leaving. I'll see you when Manzo and I finish what we're working on." Without another word or glance, Seizo turned and walked off in the opposite direction just as Yvette was coming within average earshot. Not that it mattered, considering they'd been speaking in Japanese.

"Morning! Who was that you were talking to?"

"Oh, no one. Just one of the government officials responsible for looking after me while I study here," he answered, the half-truth sliding out almost on instinct. His response seemed to relieve Yvette because she visibly let off some tension.

"Whew. I thought for a minute you'd been pretending to like men and had a boyfriend to help keep your secret," she said, with what Kamatari was interpreting as a sheepish expression.

"What? No, no, I'd never pretend to like men..." he started to reply, the irony of the moment hitting him halfway through.

"Oh good. I was a little worried," she told him, falling in beside him and indicating silently for the two of them to get to school.

"You were worried?" he asked, confused.

"Of course! Isn't it obvious I would be?" Yvette responded. Kamatari though merely tilted his head as the confusion continued. Looking at his face and deciding to drop it, Yvette changed the subject. "So, what should we have for lunch today?"

* * *

Zuri and Zara came to lunch looking entirely exhausted. They didn't say anything at all until their food was gone and even then the responses were lackluster. Kamatari had decided to give them some space about it, but Yvette wouldn't have it.

"You two look really worn out. Did something happen?" she asked.

"Oh, you can tell, huh?" Zara replied, drawing on the great degree of energy it required to speak. "Yeah. It's not very good."

"We had to stay and run the ballet rehearsal over and over again because the director was unhappy. The show is still two months away but..." Zuri sighed heavily and continued. "And then on Sunday a letter arrived from our parents telling us our aunt was getting too old to be reliable and that they want us to move back with them."

"That's awful! I don't know what I'd do if I lost you girls. Is there any chance you can change their minds?" Yvette's face as she inquired was remarkably downcast, like someone had just been kicked.

"It's possible I guess," Zuri theorized.

"I think so too. I'm pretty sure this only started because our aunt forgot to write a congratulatory letter for Mom and Dad's anniversary. And when she did she was a year off. She said she'd been wondering why they wanted such a big to-do about a 19th anniversary...Well, maybe we can calm them down. We're going to visit them again this weekend," Zara explained.

"What?! Why this weekend? I was gonna invite you two to have dinner with us while Kamatari was visiting..." Yvette pouted.

"Sorry, Yvette. But at least this way we won't be acting as a shield for you. You can get to know Kamatari much better without the two of us there to talk to," Zuri nudged Yvette, who was sitting next to her. Smiling, Yvette looked to Kamatari on her other side, meeting his eyes. He knew what she was remembering, and he smiled nervously in return, blushing noticeably red.

"Ok, now what was that?" Zuri asked.

"What was what?" Kamatari asked, feigning ignorance.

"You two seem kinda...different," said Zuri.

"Yeah. Yvette's looked at you that way before. But you've never responded that way." Zara squinted her eyes and went on. "What's going on here?"

"Uhm...Kamatari?" Yvette looked over at him. Her expression said they'd been found out.

"Over the weekend I...ran into Yvette. At a bar."

"Wait a minute.  _That_  bar, Yvette?" Zuri asked.

"Yes," she responded. " _That_ bar."

"So then does that mean she's...?" Zuri continued.

"Yes, she is."

"I dunno..." Zara questioned verbally. "Are you sure?"

" _Yes,_  I am sure. Why else would she go to such a place?" Yvette asserted. Her question hung in the air for a bit, each person at the table glancing about at the others. Kamatari held his breath. Nobody spoke. Settling awkwardly into the silence, the four students finished their lunches.

"Sorry about that," Yvette said as she walked beside Kamatari to their next class. "I'm not sure why that got so weird. They almost seemed skeptical. But they'll come around—I'm sure of it."

Kamatari said nothing, and merely grimaced at the memory of half an hour earlier. He wasn't sure what Zuri and Zara thought. To be honest though it wasn't the thing on the forefront of his mind. What he was most concerned about was the encroaching weekend. He had no idea who he would meet and how he would go about interacting. He could recall some lessons from long ago about Western manners of the upper class, but they were fuzzy and possibly outdated. His best plan for extracting information would be to sneak about the house when everyone else was asleep.

"Hey. Are you alright? We're here, you know." Yvette tapped Kamatari on the shoulder and motioned to a door. He turned to look. It was a changing room.

"What...what do we need to go in there for?"

"It's time for the weekly exercise period. They don't start it until this late in the term because it takes some time for new students to get acclimated to the place. But from here on we'll have this every week instead of the study period we had before." Yvette walked forward and pushed open the door and turned when she noticed that her friend wasn't following. "Come on. Let's go. We have to change so we won't be late."

Kamatari didn't respond as he walked with the braided girl into the changing room. It wasn't all that different than a changing room one might find at a public bath, he thought to himself. He walked cautiously behind Yvette, looking around. There were girls all about them, all in various states of undress. Undergarments covering chests, hips, and even discarded on benches. A few of the girls were staring at him he noticed. His nerves forced a little sound out, and Yvette turned to look at him.

"It's ok to relax, you know. They really don't mean anything by staring. It's just that you're new, and you're from a foreign country. And it doesn't hurt that you're..." Yvette's voice shrank as she went along, down to a near whisper, "really pretty."

"Yvette I...uhm..."

"What is it?" She inspected his face, leaning closer. "Ah! Don't tell me your shy! Is this normal for Japanese girls?"

"No! This is normal for  _me!"_ He abruptly snapped. "This is something about me, not about Japan. I just...don't like to change in front of other people."

"Oh. I can understand that." She put her hand on his shoulder. "If you really want to change mostly alone you can go into the wash room instead. I'll change right outside the door so nobody goes in after you, alright?" She shoves a fresh-looking set of exercise clothes into his arms.

"Thank you. I'll be right out."

The showers were dry, much to his relief. Though he could imagine what the washing would be like later. They would all probably be bathing in front of each other. Buckets and two spouts for drawing water indicated as much. He put the thought out of his head as he braced himself against the door.  _One thing at a time,_ he thought. Slipping out of the uniform as fast as he could, he donned the exercise clothes before Yvette had a chance to wonder if he was finished. Opening the door up and walking past his friend he placed his uniform in an open cubicle on the shelf.

"Ready to go?" she asked. Kamatari nodded and the two departed the changing room and exited onto the grassy outdoors.

* * *

Nearly two hours later, Kamatari and Yvette—still side-by-side—re-entered the changing room. They were engaged by a group of girls from their class, all enamored with Kamatari's performance on the field.

"You were amazing, Kamatari!" one girl exclaimed.

"Yeah! You're faster than Yvette, and you're almost as good at other things!" another added.

"No one's ever been able to beat Yvette in a race before!"

"Well, I like to stay fit. It's good for your health, you know?" Kamatari returned. His casual tone belied the little ego boost he was getting from all the adoration. "But thank you for your compliments. You're all very nice."

Yvette was merely looking down at him, a shy smile and a shake in her head.

"Goodness! Beauty and strength...next we'll see her shoot to the top of the class ranking."

"You have everything going for you, Kamatari! I'm jealous!"

"Well, thank you. I like to think I try very hard," he said, feeling an old sort of confidence come back to him. "But I should probably get dressed now." He waved and the gaggle of young women dispersed. He turned to Yvette, who was still smiling.

"They all seem to admire you," she said.

"No, I'm sure that was just flattery. They don't really think those things. They were just being polite, or maybe trying to cover their envy," he countered.

"Maybe a few. But I've interacted with most of these girls for many years. From what I know of them, what they said to you was true."

Kamatari blushed slightly and was about rebut her a second time when he stopped cold. He was standing before the wash room, now populated with many naked girls. He deflated instantly. He'd allowed the fun of the exercise and the compliments of the other girls to distract him from a huge dilemma. He looked back around to Yvette, concern evident in his features. She returned his gaze with a tender kindness.

"You're uncomfortable still. It's alright. Just wait out here, undress last, and wear a towel on your way in. You can take your time and adjust."

"O-ok..."

After all of the others had entered the bathing area, he quickly jumped out of his exercise uniform and wrapped the nearest large towel around his body. Opening the door and beholding the women before him, he felt he might lose his lunch along with his nerve. He stood at the edge of the wetness on the hard floor, looking about for Yvette. She noticed and came over to him.

"Yvette, I'm really not comfortable with this. Can't I just skip it and bathe at home later?"

"Kamatari, they'll  _never_  let you back in the classroom unclean. Besides, you need it. You worked up quite a sweat out there with your performance."

 _Note: Next time, don't do so well during exercise period,_  he thought to himself.

"Come on. Nothing's going to happen," she assured, pulling him by the arm into the room. She brought him to an empty spot near the one she'd been using, and went back to cleaning up. Trying to make the best of it, and not let his heart leap out of his mouth, Kamatari also began to wash himself. But it wasn't long before his additional garments were taken note of.

"What are you doing, Kamatari? You'll never get clean that way."

"You have to take the towel off, you know? Otherwise how will you get all the little spots?" The girl beside her smiled and leaned over to remove his towel. Instinctively, he withdrew from her touch.

"What's wrong? We're not going to hurt you or anything," said the girl to his other side. She put a hand on his shoulder as she too tried to take the towel away from him. Again he drew back, faster this time, as panic began rising up. He couldn't let them take the towel. He absolutely could  _not_  let anyone see! And yet other girls began to come forward, looking puzzled and reaching out. Some toward his hands, others toward the towel.

"Are you hurt?" one of them asked.

"If you got injured we have to look at it, no matter how much it hurts. You might need treatment."

_No, no, no! Not this way! I can't let any of them see that!_

"Girls! Give her some space!" commanded a powerful voice. Stepping forward, Yvette protectively held Kamatari by the shoulders from behind. "She's very shy, and being nude in front of others is extremely uncomfortable for her. You're making her upset, and you're crowding her!"

Kamatari stood very still. He was being held firmly, but in a tender and caring way. He noticed he had started to pant slightly and tried to regain his composure as he saw guilt trickle into the confusion on the faces of the other girls. He was saved. Once again, saved by Yvette's kindness and understanding.

"Go finish washing up, Kamatari. When you're done I'll get you your clothes and you can change in here."

Simply nodding, Kamatari returned to washing, as did the others. Recovering bit by bit, he mulled over what had just happened. And what had almost happened. He started to understand that he and Yvette were truly friends. She cared about his well-being, and despite himself, he realized that he cared about her too.  _A friend..._ he thought.  _A genuine friend. I don't remember the last time I had one._ With his revelation, a tide of guilt washed over him. He was lying to his best and only close friend. And he would have to continue lying for as long as he knew her. Immediately he knew he was unworthy of her kindness.

He noticed the room emptying, so he stood up. As the last of the girls were leaving, he felt a hand placed on the small of his back. Look up and to his right, he met Yvette's eyes.

"I'll bring your clothes and an extra towel. Wait right here," she commanded. He watched her go, the guilt settling to the bottom of his stomach like a stone settles in a pool of water.

_Being a spy really sucks._

* * *

Black mists cleared from his eyes and the surrounding earth. He was lying face down in the dirt. Confused and exhausted, he stood, muscles screaming with the motion. He looked about, taking in the scenery, and trying to remember where he'd seen it before.

"What a shame. You're not really very good at this spy thing, are you, Kamatari?"

His hair stood on end in the sudden realization of where he was. Back in that dream. Back with Shishio.

"Shishio-sama!" He spun about, looking around for his beloved, whom he found perched on a nearby mound of bones. The distant, pale light framed his form in an eerie fashion.

"You certainly didn't think I was finished with you yet, did you?" he said, the ghost of an evil smile pulling at his lips.

"No! No, I'm happy to see you again, Shishio-sama! I've longed to serve at your side again."

"Huhn. You weren't really by my side though, were you? I had Yumi and Soujiro for that, though Soujiro hasn't yet joined me in this place," he mused.

"Then-! Then I can be the best man for you! I can take Soujiro's place!"

Shishio laughed a dark but a mused laugh, refocusing his attention on Kamatari and the moment.

"No. That place belongs to Houji, now. I see no reason to give it to you," he said dryly. Kamatari's heart sunk from its momentary height. "Especially not for what you've become in my absence. You're s spy, not the warrior you used to be, and a poor spy at that. You've even come to be attached to a target."

"I...uh..." Unable to meet Shishio's eyes, Kamatari hung his head in shame.

"My. It's really that bad, isn't it?" Shishio went on. "If I didn't already know better, I'd say you'd fallen for her. You know, being secretly a man and all." Shishio smirked quietly from the top of his morbid throne, watching his words bite deep into Kamatari. And Kamatari knew that it was obvious the kind of pain Shishio was causing him by reminding him why he could never have been Shishio's woman—Yumi or no Yumi.

"You're right. I can't deny it. I'm not what I used to be, and I'm not sure why."

"No charm? No bravado? This isn't at all the Kamatari I knew. Well, maybe  _okama_  really are frail." Another bite. Kamatari wasn't sure how much more he could take. The man insulting him was the man he cared for more than anyone or anything. "You know, I could tell you what's changed if it would help."

"Please!" he lifted his head. "Tell me!"

Shishio leaped from the pile of bones, his feet crushing ones left scattered about the ground. He was in front of Kamatari, and so close that each wrinkle of the skin under Shishio's eyes was clearly visible.

"Because, in a manner of speaking, you're dead."

His eyes softly swept up, opening to the morning light once more. He had been in that place again. He had been with Shishio again. He wished dreams made sense. What's more, and despite the insults leveled at him, he wished that it hadn't been a dream. Nevertheless, life is for the living, and it marches on. It was Shishio's will that he live on, and he would fulfill the wishes of his beloved. Casting aside thoughts of the dream with some difficulty, he sat up and began to ready himself for the day. With the aid of his uniform he was able to quiet his restless mind. Friday would be arriving very soon, and he had preparations to attend to before he could meet Yvette's parents.


	4. Chapter 4

A cold wind coaxed a shiver from Kamatari as he sat on the roof, looking over the dismal city of Paris. It had bested him; this foreign place proved too difficult a challenge. If he were himself, his old, confident self, then perhaps things might have been different. Instead he was certain that this time tomorrow he would already be fired and sent back to Japan, possibly to a prison cell. He should never have come to her house. He should have graciously turned down her hospitality. But his desire for friendship had overtaken his judgment, and he knew it. He may have known from the beginning, even.

But still here he was. On her roof. Trying desperately to summon anger at something, yet finding only despair.

* * *

It was Friday evening, and Kamatari was fishing around in the closets of Maria's apartment. She was out for the day and had kindly allowed him to rummage through her odds and ends on the off chance he could find something useful. He hadn't told her what for, but she also didn't seem to mind. He'd found an old clothing rod that would have been used for drying laundry, and a thick hair ribbon made from quality fabric, but nothing that was relevant to his task: finding a concealable weapon.

He didn't like the idea of bringing it into the home of a trusted friend, but he couldn't take chances. He may have to fight someone off if he was discovered snooping around. And Yvette had said it was dangerous for gay people here, much like it is most places. That meant he had to have something-anything, really-to use for protection. Plus, if he was being honest with himself, he knew it would give him confidence to hold a weapon again.

He was just about to give up when he spied something intriguing. There were two small, metal spheres with yet smaller metal rings attached at one side. He pondered what they could be for until he pulled on them to find that they were attached to a large piece of patterned fabric.  _To weigh it down while it hangs..._ he thought. He glanced back at the hair ribbon. Struck by inspiration, he separated the spherical weights from their home and tied one to each end the lavender-colored strip. He swung it about experimentally, and finding it to be to his satisfaction, wrapped it around his wrist to hide under his sleeve.

Picking up the wooden rod and closing the closet door, he returned to his room to stash it for future uses. As he did so he noticed the letter he'd left unopened since it arrived on Tuesday. It was from Seizo, and that was reason enough for Kamatari to avoid opening it. Figuring that he'd rather take care of any aggravations before he left, he sat down at the table and promptly ripped the thing open.

_鎌足へ_ _(To Kamatari)_

_友人に手紙を書く時連絡すること_

_(When you write a letter to a friend, contact me)_

_精三_ _(Seizo)_

"This doesn't even qualify as a letter. It's a note at best. No structure, no greeting or parting...this is Seizo alright. Too lazy to be bothered," Kamatari muttered.  _And where does he get off being so familiar toward me?_ It was oddly friendly of the man to offer, but he clearly had forgotten to whom he was writing. Kamtari was a warrior in service to a cause that would have overthrown the government. Who was a treasonous spy supposed to write to, anyway? He had never really liked any of his compatriots much, and the least objectionable among them were dead or in prison except for…

Except for Seta Sōjirō.

The thought of the young man who was a constant source of aggravation for Kamatari set his teeth on edge. He stood in the way of Kamatari's path to Shishio, and then had the gall to abandon the cause after he was defeated by the Battōsai. He had no desire whatsoever to write to Sōjirō...right?

"I don't know why I would bother with writing," he said aloud to no one. "Sōjirō is wandering aimlessly about Japan, and I doubt they could find him even if they tried." He paused a moment. "Then again, if it never meets its intended recipient, what does it matter what or if I write? I might just happen to feel like writing a letter to no one in particular."

_宗次郎君へ_ _(To Sōjirō)_

_秋風が立ちはじめ、しのぎやすい頃となりました。放浪の旅はいかがですか。離れた時から面白いことがあったのです。フランスで女子高校へ通い始めました。もう友達ができました。仕事なん'でも少し楽しいと思います。女子高校なので性別のことを秘密にしているんです。そのおかげでストレスがたまっている。_

_(The Fall Winds have begun to blow, and time is easier to while away*. How is your wandering journey going? Since we parted ways something interesting has happened. I've started attending a girl's secondary school in France. I've made a friend already. Even though it's work, it's also a little fun I think. Because it's a girl's school, I've had to keep my gender** a secret. As a result, I've been feeling stressed.)_

He hesitated. He reread everything, and really didn't like the direction he was taking the letter. Sighing, he began casting about for a second sheet of paper when there was a knock at the door.

"Kamatari," Maria said, sticking her head in the door. "Your friend is here. Such a polite young woman, coming here to guide you. She's waiting for you in the foyer."

"Thank you, Maria. I'll be right down," he replied. Snagging the clothing he wore upon arriving here in France, and double checking the makeshift weapon around his wrist, he descended the stairs.

"Hi, Yvette! Sorry if I kept you waiting," Kamatari said in greeting. Yvette smiled at him.

"No, no. I only just got here. Are you ready?"

"Yeah. I'm really looking forward to it." He turned to Maria. "I'll be going now."

"Have fun, Kamatari. It won't be often that you have this opportunity," she returned, a gentle smile on her lips. She waved at the two as they closed the door behind them.

* * *

They had been walking through the cool evening air for some time in a long, but comfortable silence. Kamatari didn't really feel the need to speak, though Yvette would occasionally look over and smile. They were walking over a bridge when Yvette stopped to admire the sunset, Kamatari following suit. It was a beautiful wash of violet, orange, yellow, and touches of red. The wind picked up ever so lightly just then, swishing the hems of their uniforms and rustling their hair. The hemline just barely kissed Kamatari's thighs.  _What a nice feeling..._ he thought.

The wind died and the moment ended. They walked on and passed the bridge.

"I hope you feel comfortable at my house tonight. It might be a little large for only one guest," Yvette worried.

"I'm sure I'll be very comfortable. After all, I'm coming to see you, not your house."

"Right, right. Here we are," Yvette gestured. A little shocked that it was so close to school, Kamatari turned to follow Yvette's hand. Shock turned into disbelief as his eyes beheld a large mansion with a white exterior and warm, golden light spilling forth from every orifice. A beautiful fountain peeked through the wrought iron gate in welcome. He could hardly believe it. He knew that the girls who attended his school were wealthy, but seeing such a vibrant and pressing reminder of that wealth was stunning.

"Kamatari, you're staring."

"O-oh. Sorry."

"Let's go inside," Yvette suggested. She pushed the gate open, leading Kamatari to her door. She lifted a heavy, brass knocker and rapped it on the wood. Not ten seconds after, the door was opened. A woman in a black dress with a white apron stood on the other side, curtsying to them both.

"Welcome home, young miss. Please allow me to take your and your guest's things to your room."

"Thank you, Anne. I appreciate it."

"Dinner is waiting for you both in the dining room." Saying nothing further, Anne departed, leaving the two classmates alone in the lavish entry hall. Gesturing for Kamatari to follow again, Yvette spun left and walked down a hallway and into a large dining room. There were only two places set, one to each side of the head seat. Another servant was waiting for them. As they sat, she pushed each seat in behind.

"Thank you, Amèlie. That will be all for now."

The woman named Amèlie curtsied, then met Anne outside the room and shut the door. Not missing a beat, Yvette lifted her napkin and spread it in her lap.  _Right, right. Western table manners,_  thought Kamatari.  _Uhm...how did that go again? Agh, it's been ages since I had lessons._ Yvette most definitely noticed his hesitation, giggling under her breath.

"Don't worry too much about proper manners. It's just the two of us here, right?"

"But I...well, this is such a nice meal, and I feel rude if I don't…"

"Well," she responded, "Why don't you teach me something about Japanese table manners, then? I'd love to learn."

"Hm. Alright. Basics first. Before we eat, it's customary and polite to say  _itadakimasu_." He punctuated the last word by bring his hands together. Yvette copied the gesture.

"Eatadockeemass…"

Kamatari snorted in trying to stifle his laugh.

"I didn't say that right, did I?" Yvette guessed.

"Hehehe. Not at all." He smiled, at ease again with his friend. "One more time.  _I ta da ki ma su._ "

" _I...ta da ki...ma su…_ " she attempted. Kamatari nodded, and repeated his initial gesture.

" _Itadakimasu._ "

" _Itadakimasu._ "

"Good job! That was exactly right," Kamatari said, congratulating his friend on her first word of Japanese.

"Thank you." Yvette brushed stray hairs behind her ear. "Maybe you could teach me more Japanese sometime."

"Sure." He smiled brightly.  _This could be a fun night after all._  "I only see two plates, so I guess I won't be meeting your parents tonight?"

"...I...don't have parents anymore. It's just my brother and I." Yvette looked down at her plate, pushing vegetables about with her fork.

"Oh...I'm so sorry. Will I meet your brother, then?"

"No. He doesn't even live here since he married."

_That means-! I got this close and there's nothing at all to be gained!_ Grimacing at the thought, Kamatari almost felt an urge to weep in exasperation. It turned out that there would be absolutely no intelligence value in befriending this girl. His grief was cut short though, as Yvette's heavy sigh drifted across the table.

"I'm sorry to ruin dinner with depressing topics. I hope I didn't make you feel awkward," Yvette lamented.

"Ah. No, no. It was my fault. I brought up something unpleasant," Kamatari countered in apology. "Dinner looks great."

"Yeah. Thanks," she responded with a wan smile.

* * *

After dinner, they retired to Yvette's bedroom. Kamatari wasn't at all surprised that it was nearly as extravagant as the rest of the house. Yvette plopped down onto her bed-a large, canopy-sporting monster of a thing-and patted a spot near her. Taking the hint, Kamatari gently sat himself down next to his friend.

"I know I've said it already, but your house is incredible, Yvette."

"Thank you, Kamatari. I'm glad you enjoy it. Somebody should," she replied, falling to a murmur near the end.

"You must have frequent guests, though. Don't wealthy, influential people often entertain?"

"No," she said with a shake of her head. "Only the twins come here regularly. Anyone who needs something goes to my brother. Apart from Zuri and Zara, and now you, Anne and Amèlie are the only people I see very often."

She looked so lonely in that moment. How many nights alone had she endured? When was the last time her brother spent any quality time with her? It was also this moment he realized that he understood all too well. He felt his face soften, and he put a supportive hand on her shoulder. She smiled at him somewhat ruefully, took a breath, and was suddenly her sunny self again.  _She's gotten used to it,_  he thought.  _That's almost as sad by itself._

"You're really strong, you know that?" Kamatari told his friend.

"And you're a good friend," she said. Yvette locked with his gaze for a moment, and the longer she looked the more red her face became.

Kamatari could also feel his face redden, so he looked away.

"Maybe it's time to freshen ourselves up and change into comfortable clothing," Yvette suggested.

"You're not comfortable in your uniform?"

"Not nearly as much as my nightgown, no." She joked, her smile waxing slightly mischievous. "Why don't you use the bath first? I had Amèlie draw one while Anne was tidying up."

"Thanks. I'll do that. Then maybe we can talk some more," suggested Kamatari. He stretched a bit. "Where is it?"

"Just the next door over. It's my personal one. Enjoy it."

The bathroom was, remarkably, more simply decorated than the rest of the house. It had only a few items hanging on rather sparse walls, being mostly geared toward the use one might expect of it. The tub was the nicest feature in the room, being a lovely bronze with ornate, clawed feet like a beast's.

"Well, this is nice," he said to nobody.

He smiled to himself. He could see the steam rising off the water. This was going to feel very good. He stripped out of his clothes slowly, piling them neatly on a chair near the bathtub. A good, hot soak was exactly what he needed to relax. Just before he got in the tub, he felt a little twinge in the muscles of his upper back. He raised his arms and stretched, trying to rid himself of the troublesome ache.

"Kamatari," Yvette's voice called. Before he could react she'd turned the knob and was opening the door. "You forgot your clean...clothes…"

And there he was.

In mid-stretch.

Utterly naked.

Yvette's eyes widened some and her lips parted like she was trying to speak. But she didn't, merely standing stock-still and staring at him, her face the very picture of disbelief.

Kamatari however was drowning in his own panic. He could tell that his thoughts were racing, but he couldn't reach out and touch any of them. They passed by, flowing like passing lights over the surface of a bubble surrounding him. Then he saw Yvette sink to her knees. The bubble shattered like glass, and he sprinted from the room, completely terrified of what would happen should he stay.

"Kamatari…was that...you…?" she muttered. "That...couldn't have been...right?"

* * *

Looking back on the moment, he didn't know what he'd intended by climbing out an open window and onto the roof. When he arrived, the wind that had blown softly earlier that evening was billowing harshly. He had almost lost his footing, and in the instant that he'd nearly stumbled and fallen to his death he regained most of his senses. Unfortunately, he had still been without any plan. So he sat, and there he remained.

_I...I'm finished. Yvette will be disgusted by me, Manzo will send me home in chains, and then I'll be lucky to remain alive in prison. At this rate, what more can I do?_

A short gust blew against his exposed skin, evoking a shiver. He wished he'd had the presence of mind to grab his clothes on the way out.  _Now I'll have to go back for them…_

"Ahem."

_Or not…_  He flinched seeing Yvette standing close to the same window he'd exited from. She said nothing, clearly upset, yet trying-without success-to appear impassive. In her hands she held the lighter under-kimono from the items he'd left in the bathroom.

"Kamatari...I…" she began, ascending to stand next to him. Her hesitation was brief and painful. He wasn't sure she would continue before she held out his garment. "Here," she said. He took it from her grasp.

"..." He looked down at the cloth in his hands, lips pursed.

"I'm...not sure where to begin," she confessed. He looked back at her, surprise only tinging his features. His brow furrowed. He instinctively patted the spot next to him, so she sat, and they both looked out at Paris for a while. Neither was sure how long they were there, but when the wind speed fell it felt as good a time as any to talk.

"I'm so, so sorry," he said. "You must think I'm horrible and disgusting…" he went on, voicing his concern from earlier.

"A little," came the candid response. "More for the lie than for anything else."

"...I'm sorry."

"Kamatari...I can really only guess-though I don't think I'd be far off if I did-but why do this? Why go to the trouble?" she asked, at last looking him in the face. "And this time, please tell me the truth."

A heavy sigh escaped him. He knew that he owed his friend the truth. The whole truth. Even if it meant losing her friendship.

"I didn't come to this country to study. As you can see it's quite easy for me to pass as a woman, and I'm only a little older than you, so I was sent here to spy on this country. I was to make nice with the daughters of wealthy families and ingratiate myself to their parents. Through gossip and espionage I would be informed of all the significant events and information of the upper classes." As he spoke he unfolded the clothing she'd brought, but draped it over himself like a blanket.

"So this is work for you, then." She paused. "I can tell you disagree with it, so why take the assignment?"

"Heh. I didn't disagree when I accepted, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. Yvette, I'm a criminal in Japan. It was this or prison for me."

"You're a criminal, huh? What did you do?" Astonishingly she hadn't moved or even leaned away from him yet.

"Committed treason," he said simply.

"That's...a little vague…" she complained.

"I know."

"I haven't known you long enough to ask this, but...could you just tell me you whole story? I don't want any more secrets between us." At the word "secrets," she placed her hand over his. He frowned, remembering.

"I was born to a wealthy merchant family. The reason I speak French and know a few other things is because I was instructed in Western culture them when I was younger. But one day, my parents found my diary and the stash of women's clothes I'd managed to obtain. They threw me out when I refused to change. I was 12 years old." He took a breath. "Fortunately, my father had insisted I be trained in martial arts, as I seemed to have a talent for it. I learned to use it not only to survive the streets, but also to make money."

"What a terribly lonely life you've led," she commented, and he thought he heard pity somewhere in her voice.

"It was around the time I had established a reputation that I fell in love with someone: an ambitious, former manslayer named Makoto Shishio. I wanted nothing more than for him to return my feelings, but he was already in love with another woman called Yumi. I tried to make do by being the strongest man in his employ, but that title belonged to Sōjirō. I could be neither the best man, nor the best woman for Shishio, but I loved him dearly nonetheless. It was for him that I rebelled against my home country in a failed coup. He was killed by a legendary warrior, while I was defeated by a girl no older than you." He sighed. "I was going to kill myself, but as it turns out, our elite warriors were also charged with the duty of protecting his legacy in the event of failure. And so, here I am. In France, and sitting exposed on a roof."

Yvette was silent in ponderance. But then she squeezed his hand as she inquired,

"Do you still love him? Even now?"

Kamatari didn't respond aloud.  _Yes. I still live only for him._

"...that settles that, then." Yvette rose to her feet and offered her hand. "Come on. Let's go back inside. It's cold out here, and you still need to put some clothes on before bed."

"You're letting me stay?" he asked, incredulous.

"Of course. After all, you're still my friend," she told him simply, as if it were the most obvious of truths. Then passed a moment between them with nothing but the noise of the returning wind. "Your secret will always be safe with me, Kamatari. So come inside."

With tears beginning to spill, Kamatari gladly reached for the hand-no, the support-that she, his very best friend offered. They both returned to the warmth of the house.

* * *

"Sorry to keep you waiting," called Yvette from her bedroom door. "Those two were a little upset that I kept them from their alone time just to make extras." She held up her hands, in each holding a moderately-sized stuffed pastry. She carried them over to her bed where Kamatari was wrapped in both his under-kimono and a blanket. "Here you go. Sweets always make things a little better."

"Thanks," he said. He bit into the crunchy, sugar-crusted exterior to find bluish-purple filling packed with berries. "It's really good."

"I'll tell them you said that. Maybe once they're less angry with me for spoiling their evening."

"Yvette, I…" he trailed off, not confident in much of anything anymore.

"Yes? Go on."

"I don't know how I can thank you for-" Kamatari was abruptly cut off when he was smothered in the fabric of Yvette's nightwear. She was holding him, squeezing him.

"You don't have to. This is what friends do for each other. Anyone would do this much for someone they cared about," she told him, squeezing tighter as if it would help him to understand. "Friends also tell each other the truth and, believe it or not, I still have one more secret to tell you." She released him, and beckoned for him to follow her. They treaded slowly down the stairs and through the hall, eating and also trying not to disturb Anne and Amèlie's rest. Yvette stopped them in front of a doorless entry. It was a long, rectangular room with what appeared to be an adjoining study. Kamatari couldn't tell what it was used for, especially with the furniture pushed to the side and covered with heavy sheets. He guessed it was some type of gathering room.

"Did you have something you need to show me in here?" he questioned.

"Over here, by the hearth," she informed him. The hearth she spoke of was cold and dark, devoid of any signs there had once been a living fire. There was a weapon stand resting on the mantle, holding an intricately engraved and clearly aged bow made from yew. Its matching, leather quiver sat empty beside it. Kamatari stepped up beside her, and she indicated for him to look upon the painting that hung above. "Those people up there are my great-grandparents. They became wealthy individuals by turning the small fur trading business they inherited into an international company. Our family has practiced archery for generations, and this bow belonged to my great-grandmother, while my brother inherited its twin. Despite this background, both of them were avid scholars. So they decided to found a school for women who were unfairly excluded from academia."

"You don't mean our school?"

"I do. I am the great-granddaughter of the first chairman of our school. My family owns and operates it, and that's what keeps my brother and his wife so busy," she concluded. She squared her shoulders to her friend. "You said you needed information. Well, you've found the right girl. I'll give it to you so long as it won't harm my family or the school."

"Yvette, no…"

"Between attending school with me, and the social gatherings my brother hosts for trustees and parents, you should have a good foundation for intelligence gathering." She wore a thin smile.

"I can't ask you to do anything illegal! I would never!" protested Kamatari.

"And you're not asking. I'm offering. Besides," she said, "It will help ensure that your bosses are happy, which will keep you close by."

"Now I'm the one who doesn't know what to say."

"It's nothing, really." She closed her eyes, took a breath, and left the room. Kamatari trailed just behind. "How are you feeling? A little better, I hope," she said after a moment.

"Yes. You were right about eating. I do feel better now," he answered, catching up with her long strides.

"Good because I have a small favor to ask. Could I see you wearing the clothes you brought with you?"

"Uhm...sure. I don't mind."

* * *

It didn't take Kamatari long to put on his old clothes. He had long since mastered getting in and out of it by himself. The  _hiyoku_ he was already wearing _, tabi, zori,_ the outer  _kimono,_ the  _obi_...all of it fit exactly the same as it always had. When he was finished he turned around again and met Yvette's eyes. She was staring at him in a way he felt he recognized.

"Beautiful," she muttered without thinking. "This is what you wore back in Japan?"

"Yes," he nodded. "And when I first arrived here."

"I can see that it used to be a little torn...you must have worn this in battle too."

He nodded again.

"How long ago was it that you fought that battle?" she asked him.

"Around half a year," he responded.

"That's so recent," she said, her shock apparent.

"It feels like a century to me. A century since I was my old self. My confident self…" he mourned.

Yvette opened her arms, stood, and embraced Kamatari.

"You lost something precious to you. It's ok if it takes you awhile to find yourself again." She gripped him firmly about the shoulders. "But I think it might be time for bed."

"Ok."

Yvette crawled onto her bed and pulled on the ribbon that held her braid. He long, brown hair fell about her shoulders, so she shook it out. Then she settled under her blankets.

"Good night," she said.

"Good night," he returned as he spun and padded over to the door.

"Kamatari…"

"Yes?" he asked without turning.

"Whether you're a woman or not...I think you're beautiful. Shishio was a fool for not picking you."

"...thank you, Yvette." He stepped through the doorway and closed it softly behind him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried something a little differently this chapter. I wanted to try and provide something that made you all feel a bit more like you might be there, so I threw in some Japanese for the letters. I sort of pictured you all standing and reading over Kamatari's shoulder. But rereading the second letter in Japanese I found it very stilted. I wasn't really taught much about letter writing, and had to do the research myself. So in the end the letter remained unfinished.
> 
> Footnotes on Translation:
> 
> *The Fall Winds have begun to blow, and time is easier to while away: This is part of the format of Japanese letter writing. At the opening there is to be a seasonal greeting of some sort. I looked up a few, and this seemed to be one of the more old-fashioned-sounding choices.
> 
> **gender: I mark this not because I think my readers need a lecture on the concept of gender necessarily, but rather to point out an interesting factoid. The most common word used for "gender" is also the one meaning "physiological sex (AKA the characteristics of a person's genitals)". That word being 性別 (せいべつ - seibetsu). In my experience, if one wanted to make the distinction specifically of gender rather than the shape of genitalia, I most often heard the English loan word (ジェンダー) rather than 性別. Then again I hung around a lot of lesbian bars so the range of my experience is limited.
> 
> Special Thanks to a particular Japanese exchange student who helped me nail down the lazy, give-no-shits tone of Seizo's note.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm hoping you'll forgive my anachronisms. Kenshin as a series isn't the most accurate historical fiction, so I'm trying to keep most of my inaccuracies at around the same level. As for other things, like characters' reaction to a foreigner, I'm basing on both my own experiences abroad and what I can guess might be the equivalent for the circumstances at hand (including time period to an extent).


End file.
